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6 Jokess

Something smells fishy

Little Timmy was in the garden filling in a hole when his neighbor peered over the fence. Interested in what the cheeky-faced youngster was up to, he politely asked, "What are you up to there, Tim?" "My goldfish died," replied Timmy tearfully, "and I've just buried him." The neighbor was concerned. "That's an awfully big hole for a goldfish, isn't it?" Little Timmy patted down the last heap of earth then replied, "That's because he's inside your cat."

By: AXELSGURL

1/6/2008 | 61 views

The Cat and The Husband

A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he arrived home, the cat was walking up the driveway.

The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat!

He kept taking the cat further and further, and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there.

Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?"

"Yes", the wife answers, "why do you ask?"

Frustrated, the man answered, "Put the little bastard on the phone, I'm lost and need directions."

By: AXELSGURL

1/6/2008 | 63 views

The Cat?

A couple were going out for the evening. They'd got ready, all dolled up, cat put out, etc.

The taxi arrives and as the couple go out the cat shoots back in. They don't want the cat shut in the house, so the wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes upstairs to chase the cat out.

The wife, not wanting it known that the house will be empty, explains to the taxi driver, "He's just going upstairs to say goodbye to my mother."

A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab: "Sorry I took so long," he says, "stupid old thing was hiding under the bed and I had to poke her with a coat hanger to get her to come out!"

By: AXELSGURL

1/6/2008 | 57 views

CAT COMMANDMENTS >^,,^<

1. Thou shalt not jump onto the keyboard when thy human is on the modem.
2. Thou shalt not pull the phone cord out of the back of the modem.
3. Thou shalt not unroll all of the toilet paper off of the roll.
4. Thou shalt not sit in front of the television or monitor, as thou art not transparent.
5. Thou shalt not projectile vomit from the top of the refrigerator.
6. Thou shalt not walk in on a dinner party and commence licking thy butt.
7. Thou shalt not lie down with thy butt in thy human's face.
8. Thou shalt not leap from great heights onto thy human's lap region.
9. Fast as thou are, thou cannot run through closed doors.
10. Thou shalt not reset thy human's alarm clock by walking on it.
11. Thou shalt not climb on the garbage can with the hinged lid, as thou will fall in and trap thy self.
12. Thou shalt not jump onto the toilet seat, just as thy human is sitting down.
13. Thou shalt not jump onto thy sleeping human's bladder at 4 am.
14. Thou shalt realize that the house is not a prison from which to escape at any opportunity.
15. Thou shalt not trip thy human even if they are walking too slow.
16. Thou shalt not push open the bathroom door when there are guests in the house.
17. Thou shalt remember that thou are a carnivore and that houseplants are not meat.
18. Thou shalt show remorse when being scolded.

By: AXELSGURL

1/6/2008 | 50 views

The Bachelor And His Cat

A bachelor who lived at home with his mother and pet cat went on a trip to Europe. Before he left he told his best friend to inform him of any emergencies.

A few days after his departure, his cat climbed up on the roof, fell off and was killed. His friend immediately wired him with the message: "Your cat died!"

In a few hours he was back home, having cut short his trip in grief and anger at his friend, whom he told "Why didn't you break the news to me gradually? You know how close I was to my cat! You could have sent a message 'Your cat climbed up on the roof today', and the next day you could've written, 'Your cat fell off the roof' and let me down slowly that he died."

After a quick memorial service, the bachelor left again to continue his trip. A few days later he returned to his hotel and there was a message waiting for him from his friend. It read, "Your mother climbed up on the roof today."

By: AXELSGURL

1/6/2008 | 80 views

A Cat Heaven

One day a cat dies of natural causes and goes to Heaven. There he meets the Lord himself. The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life and if there is any way I can make your stay in Heaven more comfortable, please let Me know."

The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful fluffy pillow appears.

A few days later six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident and go to Heaven. Again the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer, "All of our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so we don't have to run anymore?" The Lord says, "Say no more," and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates.

About a week later the Lord stops by to see the cat and finds him in a deep sleep on the pillow. The Lord gently wakes the cat and asks him, "How are things since you arrived?"

The cat stretches and yawns and replies, "It is wonderful here. Better than I could have ever expected. And those Meals on Wheels you've been sending by are theeeeeeee best!!!"

By: AXELSGURL

1/6/2008 | 57 views

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Jokes